Long time no talk, as per usual.

Youtube, Tumblr and Twitter are the place to be.

In case you didn't know, I've been super busy with a combination of many super awesome things (creative projects, fun with friends, planning a trip to New York in only 20 days from now...) and also many not so super or awesome things...

These past few months have been pretty rough with ups and downs, major highs and crashes that took the life out of me. But with the new year coming, I want to get myself together, make some good choices and start taking care of myself a bit better. Start 2012 with a clean slate. Or at least, a healthier one. And I don't necessarily mean that physically, though that too is important, I'm talking more mentally and emotionally. These hard times I've been having don't seem to be letting up any time soon and I'm sure in the new year I'll have plenty more to deal with. I just don't want them to knock me down quite as hard next time. Although I may have fallen a few times, this year was a year of bravery and stepping out of my comfort zone, out of my box, with tremendous success. This year has been full of exciting adventures and truly amazing experiences. I cherish each and every one. And I hope to have many more in the future, and I'm well on my way to planning a few already. The thought of each of them terrifies me more than I'd care to admit, but I'm taking it on, I want to break myself free of this little box I've been stuck in most my life.

With this all in mind, I've made some new years resolutions. I'd share, but I feel it is probably best I keep them to myself this time around as they are a little more personal than usual...

I know a lot of this blog entry sounds rather depressing, so to lighten the mood I'd like to share with you a couple of things I've done in the last few weeks that I am quite proud of.

First off, a little while back a friend of mine asked myself and another friend, whom I've begun to form a relatively successful song writing partnership with, to write a song for a video project of his. With a description of the video's story and a general idea of the feel, we got to work. Laura wrote the lyrics, I adjusted them only slightly as I worked, to fit the melodies and things I came up with. It wasn't easy for me, since songwriting isn't necessarily my strong point and certainly guitar playing isn't either. But I'm quite proud of the end result. We spent a night in a hotel, armed with a microphone and a laptop, and recorded the whole night through. No sleep, just music. It was fun for me to play around with melodies and harmonies and that sort of thing, I'd never really had the opportunity to do so before. I've never publicly shared music I've written before, so I was super nervous about doing this, but I like it. And so, I present to you "The Girl With Color" featuring the song entitled "Alice"

(Also, congrats Neil. The video looks amazing, and I know how friggin long it took to edit.)

The day after recording "Alice" I then moved on to another recording session, this time with my show choir, this time in a professional studio. We recorded an original Christmas song written by a friend of our director. I was then given nearly three and a half hours worth of footage shot on a little camcorder and about a week before Christmas, I received the finished track and set to work editing a music video. It was tricky for me since I'm not the greatest with editing, I have limited software and honestly don't really know what I'm doing, despite being referred to as the "in house guru" by friends in my choir. With over three hours of footage to sift through and not knowing what I had to work with since I hadn't been the one to film it, I struggled for quite some time trying to figure out just what I would do. I spent a stupid amount of time editing this thing, I know that someone with greater skills could easily have done it faster, but once again I'm quite fond of the final product. I realize it's not Christmas anymore, but give it a listen :) Hope you enjoy.

There are many other projects in my future that I'm currently working on that I can't wait to share! It's been amazing to find such wonderful, like minded people to work with this year. I've made so many new friends and grown closer with others. I wouldn't trade any of it if I could and I can't wait to see what the new year will bring.

Wishing you the happiest of holidays and a fantastic new year.

Much love.

all of the sads.

Y'know when it hits the middle of the night and suddenly you start thinking about everything that's ever happened in your life to make you upset?

Every stubbed toe, every embarrassing moment, every heart break, bad grade, argument, stutter, rejection...

Every pain you've ever felt suddenly comes flooding to your memory at once and you feel so overwhelmed with sadness that you can't breathe?

Well I definitely know that feeling.

And it definitely just happened to me.

I miss my friends.

Last week I went to Seattle to visit friends. I had a lot of fun and I finally made something out of the massive amounts of footage I took. I'm actually pretty proud of it.

Check it out if you wish :)

Also, I genuinely miss my friends. And not just the one's who are far away. I miss those who live here, too. I haven't seen anyone in what feels like forever and it's driving me up a wall :(

I crave a little social interaction, outside of work and family.

I'm hoping, with the holidays coming up, there may be a few, if short, opportunities to spend time with people I love.

Alright, enough of that. I'm out. <3

A thing that happened

Sooooo, hey blogster

I've been embarrassing myself greatly on the internet lately. Like, a lot.

Uhm... here's some examples of this.

Le cover of Le Justin Bieber song.

and of course there's this

Le Bloopers from Le cover of Le Justin Bieber song.

I've been in a weird funk lately as is well... not unusual for me, shall we say.

And if you follow me on Twitter or Tumblr, I am genuinely sorry. Because I've been obnoxious and bitchy and whiny lately and yeah, that's not cool. Gonna break that habit, yeah?

So anyways, as I was saying.

I embarrass myself on the internet on a regular basis.

Yep.

So I'm procrastinating doing all the things I need to do right now. My list is a million miles long but instead of being productive I'm being lazy and enjoying some quality internet time ;) Which I do far too often.

Also, here's some good tidbits of advice I've been given lately:

"Don't be a sarcastic bitch."

"Don't be weird."

"Be a good friend."

Follow these and you should be fine :)

Day 08 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most

My mother. (Not Nick Arrojo, obviously.)

I feel she might be the answer to several of these challenges. My mum is the most amazing person I know. We have a very tight knit relationship and its been said we're "practically the same person". We shop together, cry together, laugh together. She has helped me through everything I've ever dealt with. School, work, heartbreak, you name it. Some day I will buy her a fancy car or a new house but even so, I'll never be able to repay her for all the amazing stuff she does. She is remarkably strong and the best friend a girl could ask for. I love you, mum. Forever and always <3

Day 07 - A picture of your most treasured item

I'm very sentimentally attached to a lot of objects, which is probably not the best thing but it's most definitely true. That being said, I found it very difficult to pick a singular most treasured item. I tried to think of an object that I would sorely miss if it were gone, something irreplaceable, and this came to mind. I decided to go with a long lost necklace of mine because even though it's been approximately a year, possibly more, since I last had it in my possession I still treasure it dearly. My mum gave it to me when I was really little and for a long time I wore it every day. It was a safety net, a security blanket type item that for some strange reason made me feel safe and calm just wearing it. I played with it when I was nervous or scared and to this day I find myself clutching for it, even though I know it's not there.

Nervous habit, I suppose...

Day 06 - A picture that makes you laugh

There are a lot. Honestly, just check my tumblr. I chose this one because I just spent a solid minute laughing at it.

Day 05 - A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day

I choose Heather Morris. She's gorgeous, successful, funny and duh, she's on Glee. And man would it ever be cool to dance like her! Even just for a day...

For some reason, I found this really hard to answer this time around. (I did a similar photo challenge on facebook last year.) I guess... right now... an maybe this is a bullshittin lie, but... I think I'm happy being me and wouldn't really want to trade places with anyone at the moment.

Day 04 - A picture of your favourite memory

I went to Hogwarts.

Day 03 - A picture of your favourite television show

It is a well known fact that I'm a huge Supernatural fan, but Pushing Daisies is just indescribable perfection. There's a little bit of everything for me. It's got crime drama, comedy, romance, singing, a cute leading man, a touch of magic and not to mention pie! So all in all it's a brilliant show with a great feeling to it. Just the music of it makes my heart soar. The colours and textures are gorgeous and those costumes! Divine!

Day 02 - Your first profile picture on Facebook

I used to be quite fond of this picture. I took it sneakily in a change room one time with a disposable camera. Actually, I believe this was taken on or around my 16th birthday... I really wanted that dress. It was very expensive. And when I finally had the money for it, I could not for the life of me find it in my size. I wanted to wear it in my grad photos. I went on a wild goose chase for that dress... and ended up with something else entirely.

Anyway.

Yes, this, according to the immense album, was apparently my first profile picture on Facebook.

130 day photo challenge

Day One: A picture of yourself and 10 facts

"the facts were these..."

Fact one: I'm really bad at updating this blog

Fact two: I'm far more active on Tumblr, to a ridiculous degree.

(I do not suggest you follow me there unless you are willing to be subjected to an obnoxious amount of posts featuring Darren Criss, Harry Potter and Supernatural.)

Fact three: I have a strange obsession with pie. It is the single greatest baked good in the history of this planet.

Fact four: I am a shopaholic. It's kind of sad...

Fact five: I am a self proclaimed dork, though no one seems to disagree so I'm pretty sure it's accurate.

Fact six: I love my show choir more than probably anything else in the world.

Fact seven: I like to name inanimate objects.

Fact eight: I uh... make videos on the internet.

("I like to talk to myself, about myself, in front of a camera...")

Fact nine: My favourite colour is, though this may be obvious, pink.

Fact ten: My name is Rachel. And I'm pretty tastik.

it's been a week

Hello.

My birthday was enjoyable.

Things have been lovely.

I am happy.

I've been staring at this blank page for quite some time now

And I just don't know where to begin.

I'm in a very strange mood today. Sort of a wishy-washy, daydreamy state of mind.

I suppose I just have a lot to think about.

I want to make some changes and I have some opportunities to do so in the near future.

But thinking about that sort of thing can be very overwhelming.

But at the same time, very exciting and I can't help but have this warm little flutter in my chest that I might be on the brink of something... fantastic.

Who knows.

I also would just like to say a huge thank you to all my amazing friends who came to my birthday party on Friday. You guys are so fabulous, I just can't even. Especially those wonderful few who helped me set up, take down and clean up. And by few I mostly mean one. You know who you are.

While I was horribly overwhelmed by a lot of emotional goings ons on top of the general stress of planning and hosting a party, I managed to have fun and that was definitely because I was surrounded by such phenomenal people.

And of course, the YouTube gathering turned out quite splendidly as well. A few awkward moments but I think that's to be expected and unavoidable. But I had a great time and met some nice people I hope to stay in touch with.

That's all for now, folks!

See you... in the future!

I should be doing things

But I feel like... not doing things. So yeah.

I feel like blogging, just a little.

My birthday party is tonight and I'm suddenly completely freaking out and I'm just like "aaahhhhh I don't want to see anyone ever and noone can come to my house and I don't want to do anything!!"

And the YouTube gathering is tomorrow/Sunday and again I'm like "AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! social interaction!!"

I think I need to breathe into a paper bag for a while, jesus.

Party will be fun tonight though, small gathering of awesome people with good food, good tunes and a rockin' dance floor that my dad built. Hell to the yeah.

Le sigh.

For the next portion of this blogging adventure I think I'm just going to ramble incoherently about things that wont make sense out of context because sometimes that makes me feel better.

Startiiinnnnnggggggggggg.......

Now.

I'm not entirely sure, but I think maybe, just maybe I'm ready. Or at least I want to try. I think I may have built things up in my head that don't exist and I don't know what to do about it. And I'm feeling invisible. There's so many damn things I want to say to people that I just can't bring myself to. That I just don't know how to. Like, you're an ass hat. And you crossed a line with what you said. And I genuinely think I like you as a person and would like to spend time with you but that's awkward so we'll just leave things how they are. I want to run. Maybe I'm overthinking. Maybe I'm over analyzing. Maybe I shouldn't worry so much. There's always another opportunity somewhere down the road. But the fact that it's taken this long to get this one I find it hard to believe that it's going to happen again any time soon.

Give it time.

So long, Peter Pan.

"Thank you from every piece of my heart. To grow up will be an awfully big adventure. #foreveryoung"

I have been thinking about this a lot in the past couple of days. Silly, isn't it? To care so much about someone I've never met portraying a character who doesn't exist? But it is a magical thing to find a Disney face character who so embodies that person, that you almost secretly want to believe they really are them... He was the best Peter Pan I've ever seen in any book, movie, play or online video. It's sad to think I never got the chance to meet him. I was there not too long ago, but sadly it was not My Peter that day. But I think what's more sad is that the littlun's will no longer have such a spectacular Peter Pan around to go on adventures with in Disney Land. Ah, well, perhaps another Peter will step up to the plate. There's something so magical about Spieling's portrayal that I don't think will ever quite be matched.

"Never say goodbye, because goodbye means going away and going away means forgetting."

But you shall not be forgotten, Spieling Peter, but you will be sorely missed.

Are you a feather?

Because you tickle my fancy.

I do enjoy an adorable pick up line now and again.

But of course I also enjoy the hilariously awful ones much much more!

And I found an amazing place to find both, thanks to Tumblr.

In other news, I've been writing again lately.

Songs, that is.

Or rather... tid bits of songs and wishy washy words on scrap bits of paper.

I'm still struggling with my horrendous guitar playing but I'm fumbling along.

I miss this blog so much but I never know what to write about here.

Perhaps it shall become a hub for such ramblings as the ones I write on napkins and the backs of receipts and sky train tickets.

Sometimes I wonder if anything I ever say here or anywhere is of any interest to anyone. Such a depressing thought. I shouldn't allow myself to dwell on such things but I do... although, it doesn't seem to stop me. I tweet and vlog and tumbl to my hearts content.

And now I'm going to do that thing where I become incredibly incoherent.

Good day to you, sir!

some questions and some answers

o1. tell me the truth, what made you start liking the person you like right now?

I... don't know.

o2. what on your body is hurting or bothering you?

My soul.

o3. what was your last thought before going to bed last night?

Jesus Christ I hope there aren't any more spiders in here.

o4. what are you listening to?

Meghan Tonjes.

o5. what’s something you’re not looking forward to?

dinner with a large grouping of my family members tonight...

o6. where do you think your best friend is right now?

that implies that I have one, singular best friend.

o7. have you kissed anybody in the last five days?

nope.

o8. sex on the first date?

nope.

o9. kiss on the first date?

maybe.

1o. is there one person you want to be with right now?

my mum.

11. are you seriously happy with where you are in life?

that's a very deep question.

12. is there something you would like to say to someone?

fuck off.

13. what are three things you did today?

tumblr, tumblr, tumblr.

14. would you rather sleep at a friend’s or have them over?

have them over. i don't like leaving my bedroom.

15. what is your favorite kind of gum?

I can't eat gum, it gets stuck to my braces.

16. are you friends with any of your ex boyfriends/ girlfriends?

that implies I have exboyfriends/girlfriends

17. what is on your wrists right now?

nothing.

18. ever liked someone you thought you didn’t stand a chance with?

always.

19. does anyone have strong feelings for you?

not that I'm aware of.

2o. are you slowly drifting away from someone?

Yes, but steadily growing closer with others so it balances out.

21. have you ever wasted your time on someone?

in what way?

22. can you do the alphabet in sign language?

i wish, that'd be cool.

23. how have you felt today?

none too well.

24. you receive $60 without any reason, what do you spend it on?

clothing. and food.

25. what is wrong with you right now?

oh so many things...

26. is there anyone you’re really disappointed in?

off the top of my head, no.

27. would you rather have starbucks or jamba juice right now?

mmmm starbucks...

28. why aren’t you in ‘love’ with your last ex anymore?

again, this implies having an 'ex'

29. how late did you stay up last night and why?

around 3am because i was partying hard at the supernatural convention with my nerd friends. whadduuuppp.

3o. when was the last time you talked to one of your best friends?

like, an hour ago via text message?

31. what were you doing an hour ago?

...texting my best friend apparently hahahaha

32. what are you looking forward to in the next month?

birthday!!

33. are you wearing jeans right now?

do jean shorts count?

34. are you a patient person?

usually...

35. do you think you can last in a relationship for three months?

i wouldn't know.

36. favorite color?

pink!

37. did you have a dream last night?

yep but fuck if i can remember it...

38. are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants, or pajama pants?

jean shorts with bright yellow tights. yup.

39. if someone could be cuddling you right now, who would you want it to be?

You.

4o. do you love anyone who is not related to you?

i love all my friends like burning.

41. if someone liked you right now, would you want them to tell you?

yes please.

42. do you like meeting new people?

not usually, i'm pretty freaking awkward at first.

43. are you afraid of falling in love?

fucking terrified.

44. ever liked someone older than you?

every time.

45. has anyone ever told you that you have pretty eyes?

no i don't think so...

46. have you ever felt like you weren’t good enough?

yep.

And that my friends is the end!

Whoa

So I'm really bad at posting here.

Words can't describe the wide range of emotions and experiences I have had since my last post. I've been procrastinating a lot of things, including this.

So let me just sum it up and send you to this video (my Thoughts From Places video from VidCon, which, y'know, John Green commented on, no big deal.) and make some feeble promise about posting here more often and blah blah blah.

And now it is time for bed.

So long, farewell, etc etc.

<3

Current Harry Potter Book: Chamber of Secrets

Page Number: I don't currently recall where I put my book so I don't know.

omgomgomgomgomgomg

VidCon is here.

I don't know if I've talked about this on here before but I feel like I've talked about it everywhere and anywhere to everyone and anyone who will listen.

Basically, VidCon is like a convention for YouTube. Panels, Q&A, concerts, etc. Two days of it.

Super nerdy, but gonna be totally awesome.

I have been so nervous about this for so long that I'm beginning to feel numb.

Obviously, I'm also excited about it and it's going to be so much freaking fun, but I'm just an awkward gal and meeting new people is kinda terrifying for me.

Six months has gone by so friggin fast. I remember when I first bought my ticket for VidCon with the intention of possibly backing out due to anxiety. I told my friend who bought our tickets not to take it personally, just in case.

And then the next thing I knew I was booking flights and setting up all these things and now here we are and I'm leaving today!

I'm praying I've packed everything. Good lord.

Well, I suppose I'd better get myself going here. Don't want to be late and miss our flight. (Or maybe I kinda do a little bit...)

Hope everyone is well and I will fill you all in when I get back, to the best of my ability.

Love ya!

BYEEEEE.

Current Harry Potter Book: Chamber of Secrets

Page Number: 33

remember that one time

when I said I was going to reread the entire Harry Potter series before the last film came out and I was going to document what book/page I was on as I went?

Well, that totally didn't happen because I put the book down for like six months.

But I finished Philospher's Stone yesterday and am now reading Chamber of Secrets, so I'm going to start this up again.

I no longer have the deadline of "before the final film" but I still really want to reread the series.

So!

Current Harry Potter Book: Chamber of Secrets

Page Number: 24

I woke up this morning and realized...

I am absolutely devastated.

That is all.

HP7part2

I am feeling such an overwhelming array of emotions right now.

Namely, confusion.

I feel as though it hasn't quite sunk in just yet.

It's difficult for me to get a handle on what just happened.

It's over. That's it, that's the end. No more.

I don't think I can deal with that.

Is it pathetic to be this emotionally invested?

Pathetic or passionate?

Let's go with the latter.

Although I don't claim to be some sort of Potter genius, there are plenty more knowledgable than I and plenty more dedicated too, but I still care. And I care a lot.

I grew up with this franchise. I remember waiting for my Hogwarts letter, the anticipation before I turned 11 and the great crash of disappointment when it never came.

I don't think anything has, can or ever will compare to the impact Harry Potter has had on my life. On all of our lives.

I wish my brain were clear so I could accurately explain my thoughts, but at 3:30 in the morning... that's pretty much hopeless.

There's so much I want to say, but I find myself speechless.

At the start of the movie, Claire and I stuck our wands in the air and yelled "I solemnly swear I'm up to no good." a beautiful moment to be sure (not to mention hilarious)

The plan was at the end to hold our wands high and proclaim "Mischief managed!" but I found myself so emotional, I couldn't bring myself to do it. I forgot, really. I was too busy crying and sobbing to even notice.

I think I'm more upset at the idea of it being over than I am with most of the actual events in the film. Or book, whichever.

In my mind, I like to pretend most of those characters didn't die and that a lot of the seventh book never happened (not a big fan of the last book for multiple reasons which may or may not change upon rereading in the future but currently... not so much)

Okay, whoa. I'm sorry blog. I have to go to bed. I've been attempting to write this for a good half hour and I simply cannot do it anymore. I need to sleep.

I just wanna have a dance party

Hey blogerific blog friends

I am considering doing a few of those "X-amount of days challenge" things as a way to keep this blog updated on a regular basis. I can't do a 30 day challenge right now because I'm leaving for VidCon in 26 days (holy whoa!!!!) but I might do a 7 day challenge or something of that nature. Just answering random/personal questions that may or may not be of any interest to anyone. Whatever.

In other news.

I have just been thinking a lot lately about goals. Life goals, daily goals, little perhaps insignificant goals. I have so many of them. But I think the problem I've been having a lot in the past few years is that I have all these really big goals that I then get disappointed when I can't achieve them. But I think I need to remember to accomplish the smaller ones first. That they aren't something to be overlooked or to be taken for granted. And in that respect, I've accomplished a lot of things. But that doesn't mean I should stop trying. Never stop trying. There's always something new or interesting to learn or try. And with each little thing I accomplish I'm one step closer to those bigger goals.

Anyways, enough of that. Sorry.

So here's a few other things:

- my show choir is awesome and we have a 40 minute gig coming up which is both terrifying and amazing. we're working on getting costumes. deeply considering suspenders for the guys. and our colour of choice? pink. hell yeah. and no, I actually didn't have much to do with that so don't be all "yo Rachel you totes made them go with pink cause yer crazy obsessed with that colour blah blah blah" Nuh uh! xD I actually didn't even have to. though, maybe I would've anyway ;)

- tattoos. coming up so soon. getting freaked out. aaaaccckkk.

- been catching up on many many days of missed youtube videos. holy crow. too many vloggers. too many awesome people to watch. but also, so many people to compare myself to. yo, hey, self? stop doing that. kaythnxbai. no but actually I need to stop watching other people and thinking "I'm not as ____ as them." I am not in high school anymore, plz just stfu brain.

- as I tweeted earlier today, is July too early to be thinking of Halloween?

- I ordered 250 business cards for $8 just for fun...zies. o.O

- I may or may not be making buttons with "Racheltastik" printed on them. nbd.

- I'm over thinking and obsessing over a lot of stuff right now and uhhh, it's kinda dumb.

- I have nothing interesting to blog about.

Hey, what's up? I met Brendon Urie.

Uhm, hey blogger? Yeah, I met Brendon freaking Urie a couple days ago.

Just thought I'd mention that.

Oh yeah, and I met Spencer Smith too. No big deal.

So yeah. Last friday my friend and I took a little roadtrip down to Seattle for the Panic! At The Disco concert on June 24th and it was awesome. We had a lot of fun in the car just jammin' out to some tunes and chatting and staying up all night in our hotel room. I posted a video about it over tharrr --> http://youtu.be/mfo6kIvleqk so you can watch that for video evidence of my shenanigans and ridiculous excitement over the whole ordeal. I look like a major derp in both pictures (seriously, what am I doing with my face?) but I DON GIVE A FUUHHH.

I have a few urges right now:

1. Make crafts. Like, I wana glue shit onto construction paper and cut things out with those fancy scissors. I wanna make t-shirts with iron on patches and fabric paint. I wanna do crrraaaffffttttssss.

2. I wanna go through every article of clothing in my wardrobe and get rid of a bunch of stuff that I no longer like or fit. I want to revamp my whole closet!

3. Make videos. I have a whole list of videos I want to make, some that I've wanted to make for months and haven't gotten around to. But unfortunately, it's dark out now and the lighting in my room is terrible. I may, perhaps, make a few anyways. Take some footage and post it at a later date... maybe keep it for days when I'm too tired/lazy/busy/sick to make a video.... Hmmmm....

4. Bake. I want to bake. I want to bake cookies, cakes, pie... anything! Ooooh, ooh!! Cinnamon buns!!!! I want to bake cinnamon buns. Like stat. Pronto. Zomg, so tasty.

5. I want to go to the dollar store or some other cheap shop and buy various pens, pencils and journals.

6. Build a motha effin FORT.

So apparently I only ever come on here to complain now

But I'm just having a really shitty time.

Yesterday I had to come home from work early because I randomly got really nauseous and had to run into the back room to throw up in the bathroom sink.

Then I came home and spent the next few hours doing the same thing. Couldn't keep any food down.

I must've caught some kind of bug somewhere along the line. It came on so suddenly, I was fine all morning then out of the blue, nope not fine at all.

And of course I couldn't sleep last night, hence why I'm awake at 6am for no frickin reason.

And now my face is red and puffy and swollen and itchy and I can barely see out of my left eye.

What the hell is wrong with me?

I had all these plans yesterday and today, too. Video making plans for when I got home from work. But they all got thrown out the window for now... unless I feel better this afternoon but I somehow doubt it.

I guess I'll be going back to bed and hope to God I feel better soon because tonight was supposed to be a good night.

Okay, I'm ready to leave my house now...

Somebody come take me away. I've been cooped up in here since Monday. I swear, I'm all healed up! Okay, well, no not healed per say, but I feel fine and dandy, minus the tiny problems I have with eating. But I'm all better pretty much and I'd really like to get out of my bedroom, please. In the mean time, I guess I'll just continue to browse through Tumblr and giggle (or laugh uproariously) at the many relatable and hilarious posts. Sigh. I'm getting so bored of this now. But, I go back to work tomorrow! I'm actually a little bit excited, is that weird? At least it'll be something different than my tiny life the past week haha. However, I've got a bunch of things to worry about once I'm back into the flow of life, it's gonna be kinda shitty, all of a sudden I'm gonna be super stressed out and I'll be wishing I was staying in bed eating mushy foods and watching Back To The Future. Isn't that always the way? Alright, well perhaps I'll make a concerted effort to do something at least a little productive today. Maybe I'll even step outside! Gasp, shock, horror! Actually, I'd really like to go outside...

("let's go outside, let's go outside, outside's nice cause it goes world wide!")

Wicked

Alright, I just got back from seeing Wicked at the Queen Elizabeth Theatre and by God was it ever amazing. Here are some of my tweets and status updates from the night (and by some, I mean all)

"listening to the Wicked soundtrack on the way to see Wicked. overkill? never!"

"Just spent $50 on a shirt. Oh, Wicked, the things you do to me... I already spent close to $200 last time!"

"Dear person in the row in front of me a few seats down, your hair is awesome. It kinda looks like its on fire!"

"Dear obnoxious Canucks fans at the theater, I realize you are excited, but this is neither the time nor place for your insessent screaming. I do hope you cease and desist when the lights go out and the curtain rises."

"alright, the obnoxious fans have silenced and the show has so far been amazing. can't wait to see act two!"

"Oh freakin Wicked! I love this show! Gonna obsess over it for a little while... Don't mind me..."

So, as you may have noticed, I mentioned Canucks fans a couple of times, so let me first elaborate on that before going any further. Its one thing to be excited about the game. Yell in the streets, post on your Facebook or twitter or whatever else you may like, that's totally cool. But when I'm sitting in a theater about to watch a show, a musical, I really don't want to hear your screaming. I'm all for expressing your enthusiasm (believe me, I do it regularly for various things) but please, learn the time and place. I realize this probably sounds "bitchy" to many of you sports fans, but I don't care. I don't come out on the ice and break into "Dancing Through Life" so don't come in to my theater and scream like a crazy person. Have some respect. Thanks.

Righto! Now on to the good stuff!! 

So the show was spectacular! As I said, I saw it in New York last year and it was amazing. So, naturally, I spent most of the night comparing between the show I saw, the show I was seeing and Original Broadway Cast recordings. Don't get me wrong, everyone here was fantastic, but it's a personal preference thing. I liked their Elphaba quite a lot, I felt they made the character very likeable, and acting wise, I much preferred her over the lady in NY, (because that one was a little more gruff, almost mean, and it made it difficult to feel sympathetic towards her in the end, which is kind of the whole point of the show) and this one seemed sweeter, kinder, though her voice couldn't quite compare to the Elphie in NY. And I noticed she changed a few small things in her songs, made them her own I guess you could say. Some of them I liked, others... not so much. I noticed she went up instead of down at some points during her songs and I wasn't keen. However, there was one significant moment at the end of No Good Deed which just felt so right. Just a change in inflection, but so impactful. As for Glinda, well... she was no where near the Glinda we saw in NY. This one's version of"Popular" had some wicked hilarious moments (no pun intended) and she certainly was talented, but not my cup of tea. Her portrayal of the character was more annoying than funny/cute to me and her voice I found a little grating. She had her moments though, for sure. She is clearly a very talented girl. Fiyero... ohh, Fiyero... his voice was so delicious. And he certainly had the moves ;) Oh, and Boq... he was cute and all, but when he held the note in "let's daaaaanncee" (which is honestly one of my favourite parts of the whole show)  I wasn't impressed... However, I was super impressed by the amazing ensemble! The dance routines were phenomenal! And by golly, the costumes!! Gahhh!! And holy shit. When Fiyero and Elphaba sang "As Long As You're Mine" I could have died. Just died, I tell you! It was so... intense, emotional, powerful, beautiful, lustful, sweet and just plain and simply amazing. Good God, the harmonies in that song... I can't even. I'm listening to it right now as I type this. That last line... "For the first time... I feel... wicked..." SO GOOD. Although, tonight's Elphie didn't do it justice in my mind. But their singing was so superb that it made up for it. And those freakin' monkeys. Man, those monkeys are scary shit. I tell you what. Scary. They're just... creepy, you know? Always climbing and crawling around in the background, always moving. And that one monkey, the main monkey, the one that belonged to the Wizard first, I can never freakin remember his name and it drives me nuts! Someone, anyone, tell me his name! And then of course there was this absurd phenomenon of people being late and coming in to sit down after the lights had gone out and the show had clearly begun. Why were so many people so late? After intermission especially. There was a stream of people, at least thirty or so who came much, much after act two had already begun. Two songs in and it was never ending people on both sides. Wtfffff?

All in all it was a great show, but as good as this cast was, as a general, overall, I personally prefer the cast I saw in NY. But this was still fab. I highly recommend you go see it. 

I'm sorry if this review was sloppy or incomprehensible, but it is nearly two in the morning and I've been sitting here trying to write it just so for so long, but I've simply just gotten too tired to care. So there ya go. Have a nice night.

Hello hello!

Ah! I feel much better now!

No, I am not fully recovered. But feeling a hundred times better than yesterday and a million times better than the day before. So admittedly, I'm not at 100% but so close, I can almost taste it. Except I can't taste it because all I can taste is blood. Yeuck.

Anywhoo! Turns out, the pain meds they put me on were the main problem, actually. They were making me vomit and super super nauseous. So I've switched meds and I feel a whole heck of a lot better. My mouth still hurts and I can't eat anything and I have to rinse with nasty salt water four times a day, but at least I'm not puking! Whew!

Now, on to better and brighter things!

I finished watching Nowhere Boy, which was splendid. It gave me a quaint feeling. I enjoyed it. But let's be honest, with that face in it,

how could I not?

I also just finished watching Back To The Future part two (I watched part one last night) and I'm about to move on to part three. Zomg, I friggin love these movies. Obviously, the first one is the best but the second one still rocks and I can barely remember the third but I'm sure it's awesome, too. I've been tweeting a bit about them as I watch, mostly things like "Michael J. Fox was a babe in these movies." and "I love these movies blahdee blah blah" but seriously. So much epic.

I also managed to edit together the first part of my trip to Orlando videos. Well, I didn't really "edit" it much, I just slapped together the clips I took and it's currently uploading to YouTube (for the second friggin time because the first upload failed. akjdhgkdfjhkjdfhdfgggerrrrr) I'm hoping it's not horrendously boring for people to watch, but really it's just for me to document and remember the awesomeness of that trip. It really made me smile going through the footage, especially when I was feeling so crappy...

I also want to say how much I love my coyotes. I made a long post about how much I needed a hug and all the crap that's been going on and immediately about twelve people responded with words of support. Even those who just came on and wrote "hugs!" it meant so much to me, so thank you coyotes. You are the best damn thing that's happened to me lately. I'm so glad I can always rely on you, for support, love and lawls. I saw all dem posts of photoshopped pics the other day. Hardeeharharr. But srsly. Loooovveee yewwww. #coyotepacklove

OH YEA!!!! And the most importantest thing evarrr!!!

TONIGHT I'M GOING TO SEE WICKED WITH MY FAMILY!!! I'M SO STOKED!!!!!! THIS IS GONNA BE GOOOOOOODDD!!!!

I wish I was feeling a little better though, so I could enjoy it more... but I've been looking forward to this for months. Last time I saw Wicked (also the first time haha) was in New York last year and it was the most amazing, beautiful, moving experience I've ever had. I worked so hard to get there and as I sat in that theatre finally watching the Broadway performance of my lifetime, I was so overcome with emotion I can't begin to describe. I'm a very emotional person, so it's not unusual for me to cry during moments like those. But I will never in my life forget that feeling. Nothing else can compare. None of the other shows we saw in New York gave me quite the same feeling, nothing I've ever seen or done before could live up to that moment. I know that this time around won't be quite the same, but I'm anticipating an emotional reaction never the less. Now I just have to decide which of my many Wicked t-shirts to wear tonight, if any. I spent almost $200 on Wicked merch in New York, so I've got lots of things to pick from. I might bring my stuffed monkey dude with wings, and wear my witch hat necklace... Oh boy, I'm getting so excited just thinking about it! I can't wait! I will tell you all about it when I get back! In the mean time however, I must go... BACK TO THE FUTURE!!! Ahahah, see what I did there? ;) No, but actually, I gotta go finish this trilogy. Trilogy of awesome.

Oh no, not again!

So, I have lost another four teeth. Had them removed yesterday. Was given gas, then an IV and I spent most of yesterday crying, vomiting or sleeping. So you can imagine how I'm feeling today. I'll give you a hint: Not so great.

I have spent the entirety of my day sitting in front of my computer scrollin' around on Tumblr and reblogging shit like crazy. I think I've reblogged more stuff today alone than I have at all ever. Whoops. Sorry Tumblr followers. Nah, who am I kidding, not really. It's muh Tumblr yo. I'll post what I waaant.

So anyways. I'm stuck on bed rest for the next couple days because the doctors told me to "take it easy" and that "the third day will be the worst" which will be Thursday, they said. I was supposed to go back to work tomorrow, but my mum had to phone for me and tell them I can't make it.

I feel awful. I can't eat, well, I can't chew. I'm living off mashed potatoes, jello, ice cream, those meal replacement drinks and apple sauce and everything tastes like blood. Because, you know, I've got four open wounds in my mouth. Sorry, I don't mean to be graphic. I'll spare you the details.

But basically, I'm fucking hungry. I want a friggin hamburger. Or a sandwich. Or a big delicious taco. But I can only eat soft, non-chewable food. I refuse to touch yogurt though. Blech. Never again. Too many bad memories from last time.

I've been laying on my bed a lot watching soothing things like 10th Kingdom and Pushing Daisies. Currently I'm trying to watch Nowhere Boy but I've gotten greatly distracted by the glory of the internet. I suppose I should finish watching it since it's due back tonight. My dad also rented me Back to the Future. Eff yeah.

I just removed the horrible bandaid over where the IV went in. Ouch. I have done nothing but ramble and complain throughout this blog. I think I'm gonna go back to watching my movie and silently fuming about the fact that I can't friggin eat anything. Goodbye.

Oh yeah, and my dad got me a $15 iTunes gift card. He said "happy feeling sick day" when he gave it to me, then laughed. I love my dad. But now I gotta figure out what I'm gonna buy with it... ideas? :)

Somewhere Only We Know

I am obsessed with the Glee version of Somewhere Only We Know by Keane. (sung by Darren Criss, of course.) I have listened to this song 102 times on my iTunes. And that's not including the many times on my phone, ipod and in Caralyn's car. It's just so... beautiful. And soothing. It's like a lullaby. A great big, tight, bear hug for my heart. And with the way I've been feeling, I need that.

Which is exactly what I came on here to talk about, because I feel as though letting out some of these thoughts and feelings I've got all crammed inside me might make me feel a little better. So bear with me, as I may get very incoherent and rambly very quickly. Actually, I can pretty much guarantee it.

Let us begin.

Every aspect of myself, my life, feels so overwhelming. Both positively and negatively. With all the stress and nastiness going on, I feel it's almost equal parts amazing and awesome things. But that just makes the hard things harder and the good things less enjoyable because I'm so panicked and stressed about the bad and the various consequences or even just potential consequences of the good things. And I'm never fully truthful with anyone. I don't let on that I'm breaking down. I don't let it show that I'm not handling it. I put on a big smile and I act bubbly and happy and normal. So everyone thinks I'm fine. But really, I know that's far from the truth. Breathe. I just need to breathe. Something so natural and easy, and yet I somehow manage to forget. I often give very good advice but I very seldom take it. I let things build, I let things boil. It's troubling to think I could easily avoid this feeling, it's almost as though I've chosen this. But I wouldn't go so far as to say that. No, I wouldn't choose this. I didn't choose this. I want to feel better, do better, be better. I want something more but I'm too afraid to find it, try it, take it. I almost feel like I need someone to guide me. Someone to take my hand and show me the way. But I shouldn't need that. I should be brave. I should be strong. And do it on my own. But I don't know how. And it always comes back to this. This same problem, this same feeling. Or at least something related to it. Why does it always come back to that? I wish I could understand my own mind. And the way the world works. I know I'm not the only one, but I feel as though I don't belong. And I can't shake this feeling that something is wrong. Something is not right. Am I alone in this? Does anyone else feel this horrible sensation that something is missing? I know I don't make sense. And I know from an outsiders perspective I probably sound like I'm whining or something. And maybe I am. But I swear I'm not. Or.... Ack. I just don't know anymore. It's time for a change. I'm going to make a list of all things I want. Little things, big things.... every thing. I'm going to set deadlines. Work hard. Make the changes. I've made changes before. I can do it again. They never last, but I can try.

And one last thing... If I'm Rapunzel, where's my Flynn Rider?

I'm baaaaaaaackk!!!

Hello bloglovers! I am home! And have been home since very late friday night but have barely had a chance to breathe since...

But show choir was cancelled today, so after catching up on some much needed sleep in an attempt to overcome the jet lag and a very late night last night, I find myself sitting in front of my computer going through pictures from my trip and thinking to myself, "perhaps I should update my blog..."

So, here I am and here we go!

It was a long and tiring trip but absolutely worth every moment.

My GOD was it ever hot over there! I thought I was going to die. For most of the time. But again, totally worth it.

Our first night was a bit of a fiasco because it was pretty late at our arrival, but to us being still in Vancouver time (which is three hours behind Orlando time) we were a little... out of sorts. My parents made a 2am trip to Walmart to grab some groceries (that's Orlando time, jsyk) and we just basically slept and tried to adjust to the time difference and the immense heat.

Our first day we had a late start. A very late start... we rented a car instead of taking multiple taxi rides to get from place to place. We went to the local mall, went out for dinner then over to a different mall that we really should've been going to in the first place but we got confused and horribly lost hahahah. It was excellent.

Then came our Universal day! Which of course was my favourite day because Universal Studios is the home of The Wizarding World of Harry Potter! Which was amazing, in case you were wondering. I have a lot (and I mean a lot) of footage from that. When I have the time and energy to go through it all I will most definitely be posting a video... hopefully soon. Basically, everything in the park was exceptionally exciting to me. I was flipping out the entire time, and my parents kept laughing at me and calling me a "nerd" with my tear streaked face and gibberish spewing from my mouth because I was too excited to form words. The ride, Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey, was so amazing. We rode it three times. And I think the coolest thing about it is that in order to get to it, you have to walk all the way through the hallways of Hogwarts and along the way bump into Dumbledore, many talking portraits and of course, Harry, Ron and Hermione. I think I can die happy now. Oh yes, and did I mention I got a wand? Not just any wand though you see. I was chosen. The wand chose me. It was the coolest experience ever. I am such a nerd. I will post the footage so you can fully understand, because right now I'm sure I sound like an idiot but it makes sense if you know what I'm talking about. They have a wand shop, they bring in groups of thirty or so people and only one person gets chosen to have the wand shop owner help them find a wand. And I was chosen, he chose me. He let me test out wands and it was all rigged up so it felt like I was doing real magic! And then I got to purchase the wand after. I AM A REAL WITCH. I CAN'T EVEN DEAL.

And of course I spent a butt load of money. I bought so much stuff and I'm so excited about all of it. And there were two other rides there, a small, kid friendly roller coaster and a massive, intense crazy roller coaster. I have never screamed so hard. On the second one, of course. And they had Zonko's joke shop (so cool!!) and Honeydukes candy shop!!!! And an owlery and the Three Broomsticks and the Hogwarts Express by the entrance and an awesome conductor guy! ACK! I CAN TOTALLY DIE HAPPY NOW. I HAVE BEEN TO HOGWARTS AND HOGSMEADE. I AM SET FOR LIFE.

Okay, enough about that. Now on to Disney!

Our next day was spent in Epcot, the sort of... Science World of Disney. Hah. It was pretty neato. There was a virtual ride you could design yourself, a car test track ride (sort of like a roller coaster but not really) and a whole slew of mini villages that represented various countries around the world. It was a very very long day trying to get around that park. And it was technically our first day because we spent the entire previous day in the Harry Potter section of Universal (which is rather small) and hadn't had to navigate our way around an enormous theme park yet. It was a real test of our patience. We had a bit of a blow out... a meltdown, if you will. But we got over it and rode the amazing Soarin' ride (another virtual ride which they have in Disney California Adventure and my mum really loved when we went there so we had to make sure we went on it again in Florida) And we were given a very helpful piece of advice from the man behind us in line about how to get an alternate entrance pass for all the attractions in the park, so that my sister could get through the lines with her wheel chair. Wish we'd bumped into him at the beginning of the day...

Then came Disney's Hollywood Studios on our next day there.

Most of this day was spent on my little American Idol Experience. Essentially, we got there pretty late in the day because we decided after two very long days in the parks, we needed a little rest and chose to take the later shuttle. So when we got there, some guy dressed as an old timey police officer with a funny accent asked if any of us were singers and told me to audition for American Idol and gave us directions for how to get there. It was pretty funny actually. Then we headed on down there, I passed the first audition (where you sing about 30 seconds of any song of your choosing in front of an audition coordinator or something), moved on to meet a producer(where I sang two shortened versions of songs I had selected from their list and was then told to try a different song which he thought would better suit my voice (which objectively probably did but as much as I love that song it was a little boring to sing) and made me learn it), passed that audition and was put in the 5:30 show, the last show before the big finale. Basically, every day, they hold auditions for the American Idol Experience from (I think) park opening until about 2pm. If you pass the first two auditions, you will be put into a group of three to sing at one of the eight showcases through out the day. If you receive the highest number of votes out of your three, you move on to the finale. If you win at the finale you receive a "magic golden ticket" which allows you first in line privileges and a guaranteed audition at any American Idol audition across the country. Essentially, I have no use winning that any ways since I'm not American so I don't really care, and at the time I didn't even know that was the prize anyways, I was just doing it for fun and because my mum really wanted me to sing. It's all very cool and professional. I wish I could have filmed the whole experience, but it was such a whirlwind and I really don't think I would have been allowed to anyways. We each got our hair and make up done and a short amount of time with a vocal coach to go over our song selections. It was a nerve wracking and fun experience. We had a run through of the show, which is so cool. If you ever get a chance to go to the American Idol Experience at Disney's Hollywood Studios in Orlando Florida, I would highly recommend it because it is so awesomely done. Really professional, and really looks like the real show. There are actual cameras all over the place, a real host (who looks and sounds remarkably like Ryan Seacrest) and actual judges. They do a short little interview with each contestant before they sing and even put your face on the big screens around the stage! It's so cool. I'm hoping my sister will let me upload her video footage of the show because I'd really like to see it! I got to sit backstage while the others performed and watch their performances. I went first. It was terrifying and awesome. The judges were mostly nice except for the "Simon" type one who told me I'd be perfect to attend the red carpet at the Grammys and help people out of their cars. Pffft whatevaa. Okay, anyways, long story short, I didn't make it into the finale showcase but I had a great time anyways and they took about 60 pictures of me, all of which I have access to for the next 30 days and can purchase online and such. We did of course buy a few of our favourites while we were there :) I was a little disappointed that I didn't get to choose the song I sang, they kind of chose it for me... but oh well.

Oh yes, and there were two very awesome rides in that theme park which we managed to catch between my audition and when I had to be back for my performance. I tried to get a coyote games picture on the Tower of Terror, but it didn't really work out. The roller coaster was awesome though! Super fast and loud and because it's in the dark with neon and glowing lights and such, you totally don't know what's coming so the flips and turns take you by surprise. So fun.

Then our last two days were spent at the Magic Kingdom, which is essentially what I like to call the Disneyland of Disney World. That's where Cinderella's castle is and all the princesses, characters and various more children oriented attractions and rides. Our first day in the park we did a full pan around from one side to the other, catching as many rides as we could along the way. We essentially got them all, or at least all the ones we really wanted. Space Mountain of course. And the others were really just little kid rides so no biggie. And we ate funnel cake. Omg funnel cake yuuummmm. Then our second day in that park (and our last day before we left) we spent getting autographs and pictures with our favourite characters. I waited in line for a very long time in the sweltering heat to meet Flynn Rider and Rapunzel. TOTALLY WORTH IT. Zomg I was so stoked. But Flynn didn't smolder in my picture! I'm so disappointed... I just kind of assumed that he would because well, have you seen the movie? We also met Ariel and Prince Eric, Tiana and Naveen, Mickey and Minnie, Cinderella, Aurora and Belle. (Damn, those princesses are tiny!! I'm towering over them in most of the pictures!) All in all a successful picture and autograph trip. I wish I'd gotten Peter Pan though... just to compare, you know. Then we rode a couple extra rides, had a fancy meal, got another funnel cake, skipped the parade and fireworks (because really, once you've seen one Disney parade you've seen them all. And fireworks are just big loud bright things in the sky.) and did all our last minute shopping. It was a long, tiring and draining day. But in the end was definitely worth it all. The Magic Kingdom is probably my favourite park because I'm about six years old on the inside and truly enjoy the magic of it. I have to admit, whoever composes the music for Disney sure does a great job because every time I heard those tinkling tunes I got emotional. I can't wait to do it all again in Disneyland in two months! Although, it'll be a whole different experience for sure.

Then finally it was our last day there. We packed our bags, called a cab and went to the Premium Outlets for a little shopping before heading to the airport. There was a Betsey Johnson outlet there, we had to go! I barely had any money left by this point (nor room in my suitcase either) but I did get some very cute earrings and a necklace that matches a pair of Betsey earrings I already have. Then we went to the airport and caught our two flights back to Vancouver. It's nice to be home...

Over all I can say this about Orlando: It is way too effin hot. And we weren't even there during peak season! I don't know how they can stand it! The best thing we ever did was buy one of those fan/squirt bottle combos. Especially when we filled it with ice. Ahhh, so refreshing... seventeen dollars well spent. And now that I'm here, I feel like I'm absolutely freakin freezing! And my internal clock is all wonky because I got used to the three hour time difference and now I have to revert back to normal... Plus sleeping the past two nights has been pretty freakin weird... Hopefully that'll sort itself out soon.

But anyways...

I had a super amazing trip! And even though it was frustrating at times (as any family vacation is, I'm sure) it was worth every moment! I can't wait to share all the footage I took! I'm so happy :) I spent way too much money on stupid things and look like an idiot in most of my pictures, but hey, that's what vacations are all about!

And I have certainly missed all my friends and more than definitely missed the internet. A week away feels like an eternity! There's so much to catch up on, I just don't know where to begin! Okay, love you all, goodbye.

I'm sorry for the big wall of text... I just had so much to say!