Somewhere Only We Know

I am obsessed with the Glee version of Somewhere Only We Know by Keane. (sung by Darren Criss, of course.) I have listened to this song 102 times on my iTunes. And that's not including the many times on my phone, ipod and in Caralyn's car. It's just so... beautiful. And soothing. It's like a lullaby. A great big, tight, bear hug for my heart. And with the way I've been feeling, I need that.

Which is exactly what I came on here to talk about, because I feel as though letting out some of these thoughts and feelings I've got all crammed inside me might make me feel a little better. So bear with me, as I may get very incoherent and rambly very quickly. Actually, I can pretty much guarantee it.

Let us begin.

Every aspect of myself, my life, feels so overwhelming. Both positively and negatively. With all the stress and nastiness going on, I feel it's almost equal parts amazing and awesome things. But that just makes the hard things harder and the good things less enjoyable because I'm so panicked and stressed about the bad and the various consequences or even just potential consequences of the good things. And I'm never fully truthful with anyone. I don't let on that I'm breaking down. I don't let it show that I'm not handling it. I put on a big smile and I act bubbly and happy and normal. So everyone thinks I'm fine. But really, I know that's far from the truth. Breathe. I just need to breathe. Something so natural and easy, and yet I somehow manage to forget. I often give very good advice but I very seldom take it. I let things build, I let things boil. It's troubling to think I could easily avoid this feeling, it's almost as though I've chosen this. But I wouldn't go so far as to say that. No, I wouldn't choose this. I didn't choose this. I want to feel better, do better, be better. I want something more but I'm too afraid to find it, try it, take it. I almost feel like I need someone to guide me. Someone to take my hand and show me the way. But I shouldn't need that. I should be brave. I should be strong. And do it on my own. But I don't know how. And it always comes back to this. This same problem, this same feeling. Or at least something related to it. Why does it always come back to that? I wish I could understand my own mind. And the way the world works. I know I'm not the only one, but I feel as though I don't belong. And I can't shake this feeling that something is wrong. Something is not right. Am I alone in this? Does anyone else feel this horrible sensation that something is missing? I know I don't make sense. And I know from an outsiders perspective I probably sound like I'm whining or something. And maybe I am. But I swear I'm not. Or.... Ack. I just don't know anymore. It's time for a change. I'm going to make a list of all things I want. Little things, big things.... every thing. I'm going to set deadlines. Work hard. Make the changes. I've made changes before. I can do it again. They never last, but I can try.

And one last thing... If I'm Rapunzel, where's my Flynn Rider?