it's been a week

Hello.

My birthday was enjoyable.

Things have been lovely.

I am happy.

I've been staring at this blank page for quite some time now

And I just don't know where to begin.

I'm in a very strange mood today. Sort of a wishy-washy, daydreamy state of mind.

I suppose I just have a lot to think about.

I want to make some changes and I have some opportunities to do so in the near future.

But thinking about that sort of thing can be very overwhelming.

But at the same time, very exciting and I can't help but have this warm little flutter in my chest that I might be on the brink of something... fantastic.

Who knows.

I also would just like to say a huge thank you to all my amazing friends who came to my birthday party on Friday. You guys are so fabulous, I just can't even. Especially those wonderful few who helped me set up, take down and clean up. And by few I mostly mean one. You know who you are.

While I was horribly overwhelmed by a lot of emotional goings ons on top of the general stress of planning and hosting a party, I managed to have fun and that was definitely because I was surrounded by such phenomenal people.

And of course, the YouTube gathering turned out quite splendidly as well. A few awkward moments but I think that's to be expected and unavoidable. But I had a great time and met some nice people I hope to stay in touch with.

That's all for now, folks!

See you... in the future!

I should be doing things

But I feel like... not doing things. So yeah.

I feel like blogging, just a little.

My birthday party is tonight and I'm suddenly completely freaking out and I'm just like "aaahhhhh I don't want to see anyone ever and noone can come to my house and I don't want to do anything!!"

And the YouTube gathering is tomorrow/Sunday and again I'm like "AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! social interaction!!"

I think I need to breathe into a paper bag for a while, jesus.

Party will be fun tonight though, small gathering of awesome people with good food, good tunes and a rockin' dance floor that my dad built. Hell to the yeah.

Le sigh.

For the next portion of this blogging adventure I think I'm just going to ramble incoherently about things that wont make sense out of context because sometimes that makes me feel better.

Startiiinnnnnggggggggggg.......

Now.

I'm not entirely sure, but I think maybe, just maybe I'm ready. Or at least I want to try. I think I may have built things up in my head that don't exist and I don't know what to do about it. And I'm feeling invisible. There's so many damn things I want to say to people that I just can't bring myself to. That I just don't know how to. Like, you're an ass hat. And you crossed a line with what you said. And I genuinely think I like you as a person and would like to spend time with you but that's awkward so we'll just leave things how they are. I want to run. Maybe I'm overthinking. Maybe I'm over analyzing. Maybe I shouldn't worry so much. There's always another opportunity somewhere down the road. But the fact that it's taken this long to get this one I find it hard to believe that it's going to happen again any time soon.

Give it time.

So long, Peter Pan.

"Thank you from every piece of my heart. To grow up will be an awfully big adventure. #foreveryoung"

I have been thinking about this a lot in the past couple of days. Silly, isn't it? To care so much about someone I've never met portraying a character who doesn't exist? But it is a magical thing to find a Disney face character who so embodies that person, that you almost secretly want to believe they really are them... He was the best Peter Pan I've ever seen in any book, movie, play or online video. It's sad to think I never got the chance to meet him. I was there not too long ago, but sadly it was not My Peter that day. But I think what's more sad is that the littlun's will no longer have such a spectacular Peter Pan around to go on adventures with in Disney Land. Ah, well, perhaps another Peter will step up to the plate. There's something so magical about Spieling's portrayal that I don't think will ever quite be matched.

"Never say goodbye, because goodbye means going away and going away means forgetting."

But you shall not be forgotten, Spieling Peter, but you will be sorely missed.

Are you a feather?

Because you tickle my fancy.

I do enjoy an adorable pick up line now and again.

But of course I also enjoy the hilariously awful ones much much more!

And I found an amazing place to find both, thanks to Tumblr.

In other news, I've been writing again lately.

Songs, that is.

Or rather... tid bits of songs and wishy washy words on scrap bits of paper.

I'm still struggling with my horrendous guitar playing but I'm fumbling along.

I miss this blog so much but I never know what to write about here.

Perhaps it shall become a hub for such ramblings as the ones I write on napkins and the backs of receipts and sky train tickets.

Sometimes I wonder if anything I ever say here or anywhere is of any interest to anyone. Such a depressing thought. I shouldn't allow myself to dwell on such things but I do... although, it doesn't seem to stop me. I tweet and vlog and tumbl to my hearts content.

And now I'm going to do that thing where I become incredibly incoherent.

Good day to you, sir!