I should be doing things

But I feel like... not doing things. So yeah.

I feel like blogging, just a little.

My birthday party is tonight and I'm suddenly completely freaking out and I'm just like "aaahhhhh I don't want to see anyone ever and noone can come to my house and I don't want to do anything!!"

And the YouTube gathering is tomorrow/Sunday and again I'm like "AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! social interaction!!"

I think I need to breathe into a paper bag for a while, jesus.

Party will be fun tonight though, small gathering of awesome people with good food, good tunes and a rockin' dance floor that my dad built. Hell to the yeah.

Le sigh.

For the next portion of this blogging adventure I think I'm just going to ramble incoherently about things that wont make sense out of context because sometimes that makes me feel better.

Startiiinnnnnggggggggggg.......

Now.

I'm not entirely sure, but I think maybe, just maybe I'm ready. Or at least I want to try. I think I may have built things up in my head that don't exist and I don't know what to do about it. And I'm feeling invisible. There's so many damn things I want to say to people that I just can't bring myself to. That I just don't know how to. Like, you're an ass hat. And you crossed a line with what you said. And I genuinely think I like you as a person and would like to spend time with you but that's awkward so we'll just leave things how they are. I want to run. Maybe I'm overthinking. Maybe I'm over analyzing. Maybe I shouldn't worry so much. There's always another opportunity somewhere down the road. But the fact that it's taken this long to get this one I find it hard to believe that it's going to happen again any time soon.

Give it time.