you're gonna make it afterall.

Things can be tough sometimes.

Life is a hell of a thing to happen to a person.

But when things are rough and you can't see a way out, one of the greatest resources we have in this world is music.

Music heals, music saves.

When you're pulling your hair out from the stresses of life, sometimes all you need is a song in your heart to see you through it.

It doesn't solve your problems, but it certainly helps you put them in perspective and gives you hope that you can overcome whatever obstacles you may be facing.

Without getting into details, today was a very stressful day. I felt I couldn't take it any longer. (Thank you Shayla, for letting me vent via text message)

But through the splendors of music and a very spiritually inspiring evening, I feel so much hope, joy and light for the future.

Here are some of the songs that have been in my heart and head tonight.

I hope they can help you if you need a little boost.

I'd love to hear some of yours as well, if you'd care to share.

Penny's Song from Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog

Love is All Around - Sammy Davis Jr. (aka the Mary Tyler Moore theme)

Somewhere Over The Rainbow - Glee Version

Not Alone from A Very Potter Musical

Beside You - Marianas Trench

Wonderful - Gary Go

Don't Give Up (You Are Loved) - Josh Groban

Smile - Glee Version

even in the darkness,

every colour can be found.

I think I've got a problem...

So, lately, instead of doing something productive like editing my videos (which I'm waay behind on) or practicing guitar, I've been obsessively looking up clothing and various other items I want, but can't have, on the internet.

Like these shoes

and this jacket

and of course, the fairy wings I posted about earlier.

oh yes, and I've been checking criagslist for costumes daily, even though I've already purchased two halloween costumes recently.

All I want to do is shop.

Like I said,

I think I have a problem....

i do believe in fairies, i do i do!

I really want a pair of wings from either of these websites:

fancyfairy

enchantedcostumes

They are so gorgeous!

Of course, I have no need for them...

but boy would they be splendiferous to own!

And then of course there are all the lovely pretty ones on etsy.com ^.^

I have an obsession with costumes and dressing up. As many of you may know, I have a large collection of costumes, props and various other goodies. I used to keep them all in a wardrobe in my bedroom, but since I moved, they've been stuck, crammed in boxes, until I find a new tickle trunk.

So far, for this years Halloween, I've already purchased two beautiful costumes. One of which would do well to have a pair of these marvelous wings to match... hmmm.... no, I just can't justify spending that much money on a pair of frivolous fairy wings...

But some day, when I'm ridiculously wealthy and I just can't think of a thing to do with all my mounds of cash, I will most definitely be buying these.

And an extension on my walk in closet, solely for my costume collection ;)

happy birthday to me!

I realize this is five days after my actual birthday, but today was my birthday celebration, so I figured I'd write about everything at once.

The actual day:

I spent the 13th with my family. My mum, sister and I went out for a casual drive around Vancouver. We went to the Lonsdale Quay for lunch and bought some fudge and caramels at the sweet shop around the corner. Then my parents, sister, Opa and I went out for dinner at Olive Garden. We had a huge meal and loads of dessert. There were lots of jokes and all around good time family fun. I ordered my very first legal drink. A wild berry bellini. Which I drank a few small sips of, then passed it off to my family members. I'm not much of a drinker. I don't exactly care for the taste of alcohol. The waitress brought dessert with a candle in it, but I unthinkingly blew it out before we sang... It was awkward. So, we stuck a candle in a doughnut when we got home and did our singing there. It was a trick candle. Hilarity ensued.

Last night:

Instead of going drinking because I'm legal age, I chose to go to a comedy club. Something only available to those 19+ but doesn't involve the typical partying. It was so much fun. Myself and three friends went to dinner then straight to the show. The comics were hilarious. Especially the headliner. She was the winner of Last Comic Standing, apparently, and was here for the comedy festival. Hm. Anyways. It was a great night out with some great people. I laughed so hard, you don't even know.

Today:

This was simply amazing. I have to start off by saying that I have the most amazing friends in the world. Seriously. They planned me a full on scavenger hunt and surprise party! And I completely didn't see it coming! I mean, I noticed some suspicious behavior throughout the day, but I really didn't put the pieces together until the very end. A split second too late, as I stood in the doorway while they yelled "Surprise!", not even in the same room yet. The little gears in my head were too busy turning to set foot in the house. Trying to sort out why my friends were diving behind couches, as if I couldn't see them hiding there. My brain went from "Huh, they did this before when Fana arrived..." to "I wondered why Krista and Claire left earlier..." to "Yeah, it seemed odd that Fana would get lost in her home town..." to "WHOA WAIT SHIT, I SHOULD GO INSIDE." but by that time they'd already jumped out from their hiding places and balloons were suddenly littering the floor. I'm still kicking myself for being just that little bit slow on the uptake. But hey, it's the thought that counts, right? Hah. Anywhoo! The rest of the night was spent eating tasty goodies (greek food, junk food and pie! my favourite!), dancing like tools in the living room and even watching my favourite show, Pushing Daisies. Oh yes, and there was a good game of Twister in there, too! It was all just so well planned and put together. And so sneaky! I can't believe it! It really was a sweet gesture. Nobody has ever done something like that for me before. I had so much fun dancing and joking and just hanging out with some of the greatest people around. I am so truly blessed to have these amazing people in my life. I'm getting all misty eyed just thinking about it. I'm not even joking. I'm honestly close to tears right now. You are all so amazing and I wish I could do something even half as spectacular to show you how much I really appreciate everything you did.

I'm trying to proofread this entry, but my eyes are going blurry. I think I'm a little too tired to be stressing about punctuation. Off to bed I go!

the internet is a big, shiny, distracting place.

At the moment, I am ridiculously tired. I have been all day. I deeply considered having a nap this afternoon, but didn't get the chance. And now, I can barely keep my eyes open and I fear I may soon start drooling on the keyboard.

But yet, somehow, I'm still awake, staring at this bright glaring screen.

Why, you may ask?

Well for one simple reason.

The Internet.

It's so easy to procrastinate when on the internet. You just click away and suddenly, hours have gone by.

So far I've watched several videos, read countless tweets, played Treasure Isle on Facebook, chatted with friends, searched craigslist for random crap I don't really need and laughed my ass off at this blog ---> The Party

Yet, I haven't done a single productive thing in all the time I've been sitting in this chair.

And it's hard to comprehend how time has passed, because the internet is so vast and endless, time seems to take a different form when you're lost in the World Wide Web.

It starts off innocently enough. You think to yourself, "I'll just go on and check my email."

But then you think, "While I'm on here, I might as well check my facebook..."

And that's when it all goes down hill. Facebook leads to Twitter, Twitter leads to Youtube, which leads to livejournal, craigslist, MSN, blogs and games. Suddenly, without consciously deciding to do so, you've whittled away one, two or even three whole hours. And now it's midnight. And you have to get up early the next morning for something very important. But you just. can't. stop.

Next thing you know, it's three in the morning, and you're still surfing.

This, is the power of the Internet.

And no one is immune to its power.

Not me, not you, not even my mother.

The Internet grabs hold of you, gnaws at your brain and turns you into a zombie. And all you can do is pray to be released from it's immense power.

marvelous

Hello my little blog.

I have come to express my love of delicious food.

Just this evening I had some rather tasty morsels.

Instead of making a regular ol' boring mac-n-cheese, I made a wonderful cream sauce with a rich, herb and garlic cheese. Mmmm...

And my mum made crepes, with a big bowl of strawberries and whipped cream. De-freakin-licious. I luv you, mum.

In other news, I have much too much stuff.

I've been unpacking my clothes into my closet and it's simply bursting!

I have an enormous wardrobe, much too big for my tiny closet.

Ah, well, I suppose I'll have to purge. I hate purging...

But, I've already come across a large pile of items I could rid myself of.

I also came across a well loved pair of old jeans, which I am currently wearing.

I've had them since probably eighth grade and, surprisingly, they still fit.

We've been through a lot together, these jeans and I, and I can't seem to part with them.

Even though they're ripped and worn and in a sorry state.

I honestly wouldn't be able to wear them out of the house, unless I wanted the world to see my splendidly adorable underpants...

I guess you must be wondering how I'm feeling.

Oh, you weren't?

Well, you're gonna hear about it anyway, so sit down.

I'm quite alright, actually, though I've still got a few issues. Chewing is still a little difficult, causing occasional jaw stiffness, and I have to use this bizarre looking syringe to rinse my mouth after every meal.

But other than that, I'm essentially back to normal!

Though, I did have to go into the dentist on friday to fix an irritating problem with my stitches, but that's all fixed up now, so I'm feeling swell!

Tomorrow is my birthday, so I guess I'd better hit the hay to be fresh and ready for the day when I awake.

Good night, everyone!

one week.

Apparently, I don't heal very fast.

In other news, I had a fan-freakin-tabulous evening with Arousal Girl and Angry Girl xD

Way to go, A-Team!

That was the most fun I've had in... well, a week at least!

Granted, I'm rather dizzy and my mouth hurts from all the laughter, smiling and by God that was the most talking I've done since the surgery, but it was totally worth it!

I lurv you two. ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Also, I went out and bought the Supernatural season five DVD's today (woooooo!!!) as well as the Criminal Minds season five DVD's (also wooo!!)

And I FINALLY got to watch the new Supernatural gag reel.

It was flippin' hilarious. I haven't laughed that hard in a looong time. So worth the wait!

Oh, and I just remembered something from last weekend that Supernatural fans might appreciate...

When I was in Kamloops, I saw a place called "Rock Salt" (not sure if it was a bar or a restaurant or what, but I thought it was cool. we drove past in a hurry, so I didn't get to see too close)

Aaaaaannnddd, on the drive home, I saw an actual place called

"The Road House" how amazing is that?

Just thought I'd mention it, seeing as I forgot before...

So, I'm still not fully healed. -sigh-

I was poking about the internet and read that it takes 2-3 weeks before you can comfortably chew food again. Soft, easy to chew foods, sure. But actual chewing? Not for another week at least. Eff the world. No, just eff wisdom teeth. Why do we even have them in the first place if we're just gonna take 'em out anyways? (-_-')

I also read that some people only take a few days off after the surgery before going back to school/work. And here I am, a full week later, still having issues. I guess it really is quite variable. Everyone reacts differently.

But I've always been weird that way. With medications and such. My body just doesn't always respond the way it's expected to.

Take for instance, the time I went to the dentist for a filling and they put the gas mask on me (because I'm terrified of needles. full on phobia. but I'm working on it...) and I didn't react at all. Didn't feel a thing. Most people turn loopy in seconds. I sat there for a good ten minutes breathing in that foul smelling stuff and I didn't change at all.

And of course there was the time I took Atavan (again for dental work because of my needle phobia) and instead of calming me like it's supposed to, I endured the worst panic attack I've ever had. I swear on my life I will never touch Atavan again. Just thinking about what it felt like... errrhhhhh... it gives me shudders.

So, I guess I'm just weird like that.

But, I'd wager that in a few more days I'll be juuuust fine :)

And soon, I'll be eating tasty morsels with the best of 'em!

And having a crazy, crunchy party not long after that, eating only the crunchiest of foods. Chips, carrots, peanut brittle. Bring. It. On.

Huh... it's funny. When I started writing this I thought I had so many interesting things to write about, but now... I realize I've just wasted another few minutes of your life. And mine.

Yowza, sometimes I can't believe I even post this shit on the internet.

6

It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life, and I'm feelin' good.

Well, kind of.

Very little pain, very little nausea, very little dizziness. Life is grand.

I still feel isolated and trapped, but at least I feel less sick.

And tomorrow I get to see some of my pals for a short get together at my place :)

Y'see, Supernatural season six comes out on DVD tomorrow and of course I have to run out and get it right away. Obviously.

And in the evening, a couple of my pals are dropping by to hang out and watch the new gag reel. The gag reels really are the best part xD

It'll be nice to see some people other than my family (not that I don't love them. they've been so kind and helpful through all this)

But like I said to my friend Shay earlier: "I AM DESPERATE FOR SOCIAL INTERACTION."

Speaking of social interaction...

My 19th birthday is in exactly one week. Monday, September the 13th ^.^

And the following weekend is my big bash.

Only, it's not really a big bash. More a casual get together at a comedy club with some close pals on the friday night, and an exciting scavenger hunt organized by the super amazingly awesome Laura on saturday, followed by dinner and another casual get together at my place :)

It is going to be awesome.

I can't wait to see what Laura has cooked up for this scavenger hunt thing!

And I really can't wait to see my buddies and eat delicious cake! When I can finally chew food again...

That's the one thing that's still bothering me. I can't eat.

I've managed to sort out most other difficulties. The pain, the nausea etc. But I still can't chew my food :(

Soon, I hope. Very soon... I managed to eat a sammich last night! So that's a pretty good sign... Very soft bread, but boy was it nice to eat something that wasn't mashed.

HEY, PEOPLE IN THE ALLEY. STOP YELLING LIKE IDIOTS AS IF THE REST OF THE WORLD IS NOT TRYING TO SLEEP. TAKE YO ASS BACK TO YO TREE AND SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Sorry. Briefly distracted by the noisy people in my back alley. >:(

Right! Well, I'm off to watch the rest of the Supernatural gag reels and some Criminal Minds before bed.

Thank you for enduring another one of my long, rambling, drugged up blogs full of complaints and misplaced enthusiasm.

Have a nice night.

PS:

Somebody better buy me a Purple Nurple now that I'm 19 ;)

five.

Today was a horrid day, full of dizziness and nausea and general unpleasantness.
Oddly enough, time flew by. And suddenly, it is now dinner time. And many members of my family sit outside on the porch, around a table set in a hurry for dinner.
I won't be joining them.
Nope. I will remain in my room, barely lucid, struggling to keep the contents of my stomach inside my stomach.

Enough about that nastiness, though.

I just finished reading "The Vampire Diaries: The Awakening and The Struggle"

Yes, I am aware of how lame that is. But I actually quite enjoyed it. I like cheesy, romantic vampire novels, so sue me.

But now, unfortunately, I don't own the next book and so will have to wait to find out whatever happens to the stunning heroine and the studly brothers. Le sigh.

Ooh, and the tv show returns this week. Oh boy, oh boy. The show's even better than the book. But, that could just be because of Ian Somerhalder ;)

I simply cannot wait to watch it with my BFF so we can make our usual, non-stop sexual innuendos. That's the best part of watching the show. It's just so much fun, and so damned easy, too. I've been craving the hilarity of it all summer.

And, I don't think I'll be going to work this week, (I'm not healing as quickly or as nicely as I had anticipated, and think it best not to go back to work til I've fully recuperated) so I will in fact be home to watch the premiere.

... that shouldn't be the most exciting part of my week. Especially since I'm not such a rabid fan of TVD as I am of other shows. But, I think it is. The most exciting part of my week, that is.

Or no, maybe the most exciting part of my week is the prospect of getting to see a bunch of my lovely friends, whom I miss so much, for a girly sleepover. But for all I know, that might not happen til next week anyways...

Ohh! Or perhaps getting the Supernatural season five dvd on tuesday! And potentially getting to watch the gag reel with my BSBF (Best Supernatural Buddy Forever)

Wow. I can't believe I blog about these things.

But what did I say before? A blog is a place to talk about things when you don't have anyone to talk to? Right.

Well, since I'm held up in my prison bedroom, I guess that's what I'm doing. Talking. At least I'm not technically talking to myself...

It sounds as if they haven't even started dinner yet... I may not be able to gnaw on the tasty steaks they've got out there, but when dessert time comes, (is it pathetic that even at almost 19 years of age, I still struggle with the words 'desert' and 'dessert?) I may actually be able to eat that! And good thing, too, cause it's one of my favourites. Apple-Rhubarb crumble. Mmmmm...

Well, I guess I'd better show my face outside briefly, to save my family coming into my bedroom to say hello and pass on well wishes, only to find me passed out in a heap on my bed.

I will more than likely return later to babble some more about God knows what.

If not, well, I'll certainly be back tomorrow.

day four

by golly, i feel so nice and clean.
i had a good long shower today and boy did i need it.
i feel so refreshed!
unfortunately, i don't feel good in any other way as the pain has increased and i've experienced some other unpleasant effects, dizziness and such... :(
on the bright side, i got to leave the house for a brief time.
only down the street to get some groceries, but it was just so nice to have a change of scenery.
i feel so cooped up here in my bedroom.
my own private jail cell.
hah, okay, so i'm exaggerating just a tad.
but i do feel a little trapped in here.
i also ran out of t3's today and had to phone in a new prescription of this other drug that's apparently stronger?
i'll find out, i'm just about to take one and head to bed.
yeah, i don't have much else to say...
these blog entires are very boring and i'm sorry about that.
i just need something to do to pass the time and i'm so isolated i don't have anyone to talk to.
blah blah blah.
time for bed.

wisdom teeth, day three

or is it day two? by technicality? does the day i got the surgery count as day one, or is it the day after? i'm not really sure... either way.

yesterday was the worst for nausea, but today takes the topper for pain.

i can barely sit here and type this and in a moment i will return to laying on my bed, weaving in and out of consciousness.

my mum is making me some fresh mashed potatoes and bringing me some apple sauce for dinner.

i love my mom ♥

arrrgg... as if i didn't have enough to deal with, i've got terrible pressure built up in my ears and i can't get them to pop.

and my dog has been barking a lot, or at least it seems like it. i think i'm just sensitive. everything seems loud and annoying and hurts my head. especially the sound of the fan... but it's so hot in my room...

i get the feeling i'm in for a rough night...

wisdom teeth, day two.

definitely worse than yesterday.

i'm puffy and swollen and i look like a zombie chipmunk.

i'm taking a lot of medications at the moment...

two t3's every four to six hours, one anti-biotic three times daily, two gravols periodically to combat the nausea and advils in between for any break through pain.

but i'd have to say the worst part is the lack of eating.

i'm totally starving!

currently, i'm living off yops, jello and scrambled eggs. with the occasional mashed banana or plate of mashed potatoes.

it's a very unhealthy diet, i must say. very little nutrition lol.

i've also given up on ice packs and switched to frozen peas instead. mostly.

i feel quite trapped. i've barely left my bedroom since yesterday.

luckily, i'm keeping my mind occupied with a few things.

like, for example, editing my massive amount of footage from new york into a series of videos which will soon make their way to youtube. takes a long time to load...

as well as funny internet things like David After Dentist and this mash up of hilarity.

and over here at Emmy Cicierega's livejournal, there's an epic Disney gif party going on.

if anyone has any other suggestions of things to do to pass the time, i would greatly appreciate it.

ask me some questions on formspring! http://www.formspring.me/Racheltastik

i'm beginning to get bored of my bedroom...

also,

if you want to listen to something amazing,

listen to this.

i don't feel very wise.

so, today i got my wisdom teeth taken out. all four of them. and a root canal right after.

i won't get into the gory details of it, but i'll just sum it up.

i look like a zombie. i feel like crap. and i probably won't be leaving my house (or even my bedroom) for the next few days.

thank the lord for The 10th Kingdom aka the greatest film in existence. it's a 7 hour mini series that i've loved for uncountable years. if you haven't seen it, i highly suggest that you do as it truly is amazing. i could gush about it for hours, but sadly, no one ever knows what i'm talking about... :(

anywhoo. i'll be cooped up in my bedroom, drooling and hopped up on T3's for a couple days.

i'm slowly regaining feeling in my face as the freezing wears off, and hopefully soon i'll be able to eat, since i haven't eaten anything since last nights dinner. i'm flippin' starving.

it sucks, but at least i'm a little bit closer to the end result. fixing my overbite.

of course, i still have to get the braces put on and have my jaw surgery, so this is just the easy part comparatively, but meh.

it'll be so nice to see my smile when all this is over. i simply can't wait.