A quiet day...

My house has been so quiet today. It's been so nice. Instead of listening to music or watching TV, I've just been sitting here... quietly... contemplating life? I don't even know. But it's been kind of... nice. To just be here with my own thoughts. I can't say as I've had any major breakthroughs, breakdowns or epiphanies, but I've just been thinking.... I've been applying for jobs recently. I want a new job. Something different, something closer to home, something... better. I'm applying for another tomorrow morning. I've got a lot of things planned for tomorrow... I'm writing this blog entry while simultaneously having a conversation on facebook chat. There's so many things I'm thinking about... so many thoughts running around in my head, chasing each other, vying for my attention and desperately trying to organize themselves at the same time. Summer, future, jobs, choir, dreams, life, love, music... what do I want? what do I need? Everything seems so hazy right now, distant. And nothing makes sense. If it weren't so damn cold and dark, I'd go for a walk to clear my head. I keep worrying that my sister is about to come downstairs and turn the TV on in the room next to me and break this silence, forcing me to either put some music on or crawl into bed and watch a movie like I've been planning to all night...

It's rare in my house to find quiet. Normally, between the dogs barking, the TV blaring, my family arguing, there isn't a moment's peace. Maybe that's why I'm enjoying it so much... because it's so rare. I'm not trying to drown anything out. I can just... be.