Rejection hurts the most from someone you admire.

I probably wouldn't feel quite so bad right now if it weren't for the fact that I respect and admire my rejector so much.

Now I just feel hurt and resentful towards him, and I didn't want that.

I'm trying to comfort myself with the fact that he probably chose people closest to the location, with easy access to the venue.

But it's tough.

I mean, with the one girl who managed to make it to the top four being so terrible, it really makes me feel as though I must've been really crap if she's supposedly better than me.

But I suppose she only got in because she's such a hardcore, die hard fan.

But I am too.

I really thought I stood a chance, or at least deserved an honourable mention.

And I'm trying to find the lesson to be learned here, but I'm not seeing it.

Maybe it's that I'm not good enough, or that no matter how much passion or effort I put in, I don't deserve to win.

But I already have all those nasty, negative thoughts in my head, I don't need them reinforced like this.

I didn't need to be crushed and devastated, I could've skipped that part, thank you very much.